Sex Before Marriage?

Pastor Jim Kilby • April 10, 2023

I get a lot of interesting questions from young people. Occasionally, I'll get one that will stump me pretty hard, too! Being that teenagers (my largest audience) are becoming more aware of their sexuality, I get a lot of questions about sex and the Christian life. You might be surprised to hear this, but many young people are radically misinformed on the subject. Today, I'd like to clear up my top three most frequent questions about sex. Feel free to write me back if you've got any other thoughts/questions about this riveting topic. You can be sure I'll respond to you personally, and privately.

 

Q. Is sex before marriage OK with God?

 

A. No, sex before marriage is NOT OK with God in any circumstances.

 

Q. Is oral sex really sex?

 

A. Yes, oral sex is still sex... You may "technically" be a virgin, but God is more concerned about damage to your heart, your relationship with Him, and your future relationships.

 

Q. Is homosexuality a sin?

 

A. Yes, the Bible clearly states that homosexuality is a sin. And, like any other sin, it separates a person from God. Still, God does not condone acts of hate or hostility against a homosexual. Hate the sin if you like, but don't hate the sinner. You've got sin in your life, too!

 

"My son, keep my words." Proverbs 7:1a


 

Pastor Jim Kilby

 

Your donation spreads good news!

www.harvestyouth.org/donate
























Share This Article

By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 10, 2026
We live in a unique time in the world for more than a few reasons, but one thing I doubt has changed much over time is the way in which we judge one another. I'm speaking specifically about our materialism. It seems if someone has more money or resources than someone else, the dark part of the human heart suggests they are somehow better or more blessed than the other person. And no better is the person with little who judges anyone who has more than they do as materialistic or spoiled. Money gains us nothing in God's eyes. It just may be the person with more has a higher burden to do right because they have more to do it with. And the person with less may have done nothing wrong and simply find themselves the victim of the difficult realities of life. In the end, both will face God on their own, and without their money or their influence. Whatever our status financially, God expects impartiality and love from each of those who are called by His name. "Is he not the One who says to kings, 'You are worthless,' and to nobles, 'You are wicked,' who shows no partiality to princes and does not favor the rich over the poor, for they are all the work of his hands?" Job 34:18-19 Pastor Jim Kilby Your donation spreads good news! www.harvestyouth.org/donate
By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 9, 2026
When the disciples were walking the earth with Jesus, they were learning something entirely different than what they had always heard. They began to see the things of heaven to some extent, but then they'd lose focus. Their worldly focus would often keep them from seeing the things of God clearly. Jesus gave them power and authority over demons and they did amazing works for the kingdom of God, but still struggled when tough times came. Unfortunately, we're often the same. We know Jesus, and He's changing the way we look at things, but unless we really allow Him to change us by prayer, reading His Word, and fellowshipping with other believers, everything just sounds good but looks funny! If our focus is on the world, it always will. "They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?" He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around." Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly." Mark 8:22-25 Pastor Jim Kilby Your donation spreads good news! www.harvestyouth.org/donate
By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 6, 2026
I learned an interesting thing from my 7 year old's principal. She told me that second grade is a lot different than first grade (I guess she thinks I can't remember that far back!) "For example," she said, "In first grade a student who is asked to write the word 'boat' and who subsequently writes 'bote' would get a score of 75% on that word." She went on to explain that the child would receive credit for each individual letter that was correct, even though the word was actually misspelled. They would receive "credit for the 'b,' for the 'o' and for the 't'. In second grade, however, the word would simply be counted wrong if it wasn't spelled 100% right. No exceptions. I know I like to simplify things as much as possible, but I think many of us approach our faith just like the first grade students do. We think we get credit for every right thing we do, and fail to realize that unless we have Jesus, anything and everything we do is 100% worthless. Without Him, we are simply and completely separated from God--a failing grade in anyone's book, but certainly in the Book of Life! "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." Isaiah 64:6 Pastor Jim Kilby Your donation spreads good news! www.harvestyouth.org/donate
By Elizabeth Kilby • November 5, 2026
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 Friends, What are your favorite kinds of emails? I’d say phone calls, but I hardly ever answer them anymore, so emails it is! My favorite? The kind that share good news—especially the kind that say, “I know you and everyone you told about me were praying. I just wanted to keep you updated.” In the September newsletter, I asked you to pray for Ms. A and the situation she was facing. While things aren’t fully resolved, progress is being made! Bills have been paid, work has been found, and food is on the table. Knowing that people have been praying is a beautiful testimony, and I’m so grateful the Harvest community is part of it. Thank you. Please continue to pray for Ms. A and the others we’re currently working with. Specifically, pray that their needs are met in ways that help them see God at work! To borrow some words from Paul: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:3–6, NIV) Blessings, Elizabeth Kilby
By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 5, 2026
“faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” James 2:17b (NIV) Dear Friends, One thing I've always appreciated about the book of James is that he doesn't dance around the issues! He reminds us that following Jesus Christ involves much more than what we believe, what we say, or even how often we pray. Genuine faith produces genuine action! In James 2:15–16, we're given a powerful illustration. Suppose someone is without adequate clothing or food, and we offer them kind words and wish them well, but do nothing to meet their needs. James asks a simple question: What good is that? Think about it. We can tell someone God loves them. We can assure them we're praying for them. We can even invite them to church. Those are all wonderful things, but what happens when the person standing in front of us is hungry, hurting, frightened, or wondering how they're going to make it through another day? That's when faith needs to roll up its sleeves! We believe wholeheartedly in the power of prayer and the life-changing message of Jesus Christ. Over the years, we've had the privilege of leading many people to Christ. But we've also learned that sometimes people need to experience God's love before they're ready to hear about it. Through Second Harvest Thrift Store , we provide affordable necessities and opportunities for job training. Through Harvest House , we offer encouragement and practical support to people facing difficult circumstances. And through Harvest Helps , we assist individuals and families struggling with financial and other immediate needs. Sometimes ministry means providing clothing or household necessities. Sometimes it means helping someone financially. Other times, it simply means listening to a hurting person and reminding them that they haven't been forgotten. That's what Harvest Youth Ministries is—a ministry that doesn't just talk about compassion but puts it into practice. A ministry that doesn't simply recognize needs but responds to them. And a ministry that gives God the glory for every life touched. Putting the love of Christ into action, together! Pastor Jim Kilby
By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 5, 2026
Whenever the sun is up, it's shining. It's shining even if there are clouds keeping you from being able to see the rays. In fact, it's shining even when it's gone down past the horizon. It's just that you can't see it from your vantage point. It simply is the nature of the sun to shine. Similarly, God is love. It is God's nature to always love. Even if things look differently from your vantage point, you can be sure the problem is with where you are standing, not with God. He cannot help but love, no matter what. "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." 1 John 4:9 Pastor Jim Kilby Your donation spreads good news! www.harvestyouth.org/donate
By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 4, 2026
Like many churches, my church has what they call a "worship service." Basically, it's like any church service, with a little more music and prayer mixed in! There's some sitting time, and some standing time, and sometimes even a breaking of bread and sharing of wine. No doubt, I've had some of the most worshipful, meaningful encounters with God during these services, but I've also had times where my mind was a thousand miles away and I left feeling like I hadn't worshiped God at all! Regardless, an onlooker during either occasion would have seen me doing the exact same things. Sit down, stand up, sing, sing, sing! So what's the problem? It's our heart God wants... not our memorized or rambled prayers--and definitely not "worship songs" with words we haven't even considered the meaning of. Is it possible to attend church, even a worship service, and not worship God? You'd better believe it... and it's been going on a loooong time! "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." Isaiah 29:13b Give God your heart... and He'll give you His! Pastor Jim Kilby Your donation spreads good news! www.harvestyouth.org/donate
By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 3, 2026
A lot of the older people I know are really wise. Some of them have actually stopped me in my tracks with the unbelievably profound things they've said. At the same time, I know some people who've aged quite a bit and who seem to be clueless. I'm not trying to disrespect anyone, but just trying to be realistic about what I've noticed. It seems that while growing old without the Lord can give a person some level of worldly wisdom, even young people who know Christ and who plug in solidly with the Holy Spirit can run mental and spiritual circles around their elders. "But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding. It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right." Job 32:8-9  Pastor Jim Kilby Your donation spreads good news! www.harvestyouth.org/donate
By Pastor Jim Kilby • November 2, 2026
The mother of a teenager recently asked me "Why are young people so angry today?" I think she was just venting, but having helped young people with anger issues for many years, I couldn't hold back giving her a list of what I believe are the top anger causing things young people face today. For starters they seem hopeless, powerless and ignored by adults unless they're in trouble. What's more, they're told that "evolution" is what caused them to even be here in the first place, and there's no hope beyond the grave. How about the strong suggestion that "sex" is something you can do with anyone you like, any time you like, as long as you wear a condom? Deep down they want reasonable boundaries, but instead they're told that each person is free to decide when they are "ready." And how about the fact that most of their parents and even society in general blasts them with the belief that money is the only thing that buys happiness. Friends, we live in what some call a "godless world." I believe just the opposite. There is a god of this world and it is "self!" Unfortunately, "self" will always fail you sooner or later. As long as we fail to point our children to Jesus as the one true HOPE of all mankind, they will continue to be angrier and angrier--regardless of their nationality, religion, gender, social status or race! "May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word." 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17  Pastor Jim Kilby Your donation spreads good news! www.harvestyouth.org/donate
More Posts